


mirrorball

by sawyerspen



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex centric, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Jedi!Alex, basically i made a story with substance but no plot, im so sorry, senator!Kara, spacemechanic!Maggie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27023947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sawyerspen/pseuds/sawyerspen
Summary: Alexandra thought that all she would ever need was the Jedi Order. But then in came Maggie and her shisir dimples.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer
Comments: 27
Kudos: 46
Collections: Sanvers Big Bang | 2020





	1. exile

**Author's Note:**

> so basically what happened is that i was listening to folklore during a lot of times i was writing this. and so i sort of accidentally made james, alex and betty, maggie. theres no real “other girl”. except for there is and and its the Jedi Order. anyways enjoy star wars sanvers with their feathered son to the sountrack of folklore. xoxo.
> 
> a big thank you to the wonderful artist @sithwitch on twitter for being my fanwork pal! also a big thank you to @ironicpotential for reading too many dm essays of lore. another big thank you to @lalisaland on twitter for suffering through all of my horrible grammar.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here is the fanart matching this chapter!! thank you so much again @sithwitch!! 
> 
> https://64.media.tumblr.com/8fcb817bd8a8e9a8f188bafe3c1a595e/69aa8a0041dd56d8-30/s540x810/a2feca0368f5a49db41875e49c00b6a5ddf2ce45.png

_“Mourn them do not._

_Miss them do not._

_Attachment leads to jealousy._

_The shadow of greed, that is.”_

_-Master Minch Yoda_

* * *

**19 BBY**

The day started off like any other. Alexandra woke up in the early morning, routinely making her way to the courtyard to practice the different forms with her lightsabers, and then moving on to acrobatics. 

She felt comforted by every impact her wrapped hands and bare feet made with the stone. With each deep breath, she let the Force flow through her and guide her into her next step.

When she was all warmed up, she set her sights on the horizon, recognizing that Rao was about to rise. With a grin she ran towards the pillars on the eastern side of the courtyard and used the Force to jump about half way up one of the pillars. Using the pillar to kick off, she vaulted herself up and grabbed the top of the arch that it was supporting, hanging there for a few seconds before pulling herself up. 

Satisfied with her view of the market that was just barely stirring, as well as the horizon that Rao was about to bless with his warm red glow, she sat with her legs crossed and her back perfectly straight. 

A deep breath in, and a deep breath out. She closed her eyes and focused on her slowing heart rate as she reached out to the Force, greeting it like an old friend as she slipped into her meditation. Her eyebrows furrowed, however, as a cold pit grew in her stomach. She felt a small frown make its way across her face.

Suddenly, she heard an awful, twisted scream, so terrible that it made her feel nauseous. It was almost inhuman and definitely unnatural. The scent of burnt flesh rose up her nostrils as she heard the hum of a lightsaber that she knew had caused the injury. The pit in her stomach grew even colder and goosebumps rose on her arms that she was sure had nothing to do with the still brisk air.

Something was wrong. 

Her eyes snapped open and she saw that Rao had risen about halfway, but for some reason, she still couldn’t feel his warmth. 

Without another moment of hesitation, Alexandra elegantly jumped off of her platform and landed on the cobbled stone, letting the Force soften her landing before speeding off to find Senator Zor-El, still barefoot. An almost unbearable wave of regret and hopelessness hit her through the Force, but she continued to keep running until she reached the Senator’s quarters. 

Nodding to the two clone guards at the doorway, she pressed her thumb to the biometric scanner before charging in to see Kara fixing her headdress in the mirror.

“Alexandra! It’s so good to—,” Kara cut herself off when she turned around to see the state the young knight was in. 

“There’s trouble. Coruscant isn’t safe and I sense it isn’t safe for you here either,” Alexandra informed her without delay.

Thankfully, Kara doesn’t question her further, instead making her way to the bedroom to change into some less noticeable clothes. As she did, Alexandra considered contacting Maggie through her comm, but a tug in her stomach prevented her. An in-person explanation was probably better, considering how she had left things the last time they saw each other. Instead, she pulled the hairband off of her wrist and braided her long, slightly wavy hair so that it would be out of her face. 

Moments later, Kara emerged from her room in a simple outfit that was more similar to those that civilians wore, along with an extra cloak and shoes and socks for Alexandra.

“I figured the tattoo might be too distinct,” she said, pointing to the colorful lizard on Alexandra’s arm. 

Alexandra nodded in understanding and put both the shoes and the cloak on before standing up again. 

“Ready?” 

The senator nodded and they both put their hoods on and made their way out of the quarters, passing the two troopers she had seen before. Alexandra stopped briefly to address the higher ranking one.

“Poe, if anyone comes looking for the senator, tell them that she isn’t available. You don’t know where she’s gone, and you don’t know when she will return,” she commanded politely, “And let me know who it is over the holo.”

“Will do, General,” the clone said in the gruff voice she had become accustomed to over the years, “Have a safe trip, sir.”

“May the Force be with you,” she muttered under her breath before continuing down the hallway with Senator Zor-El by her side. The pit in her stomach felt tighter. Colder. Heavier. They had to get out of the Embassy, and fast. 

She remembered the days of her youth and the maintenance lifts she used to use for unsanctioned shenanigans that Master J'onzz had scolded her for more times than she would care to admit. 

“This way,” she pulled the senator by the arm into an alcove and pushed the ‘down’ button, utilizing the moment of waiting to take a deep breath and center herself. The Force was her guide and she needed to make sure her charge was safe. 

The door of the lift opened with almost no sound and they both squeezed inside. Alexandra pressed the button that would take them to the kitchens. 

“How worried should I be, General?” the senator asked in a voice that was calmer than Alexandra expected. Then again, she assumed that was a fairly necessary skill for a politician. 

“If you stick with me, then not at all,” she responded in a light voice, doing her best to soothe the anxiety she sensed through the Force. She was only partially successful. 

When they got to the kitchens, everything seemed normal. The droids were whirring about, cleaning up the breakfast aftermath. Even so, Alexandra remained alert and let the Force guide her rather than her eyes, knowing from experience that things could change at the drop of a multitool. 

They made it out to the streets of the market that were just now starting to come alive. Things were going smoothly, until she felt a pit open up in her stomach. 

She stretched out her arm to stop Kara and quickly stepped in front of her, subtly grabbing each of her lightsabers and dropping into a fighting stance. 

“Who’s there? Show yourself,” she challenged whoever was in the shadows. 

A clone trooper emerged with his gun raised. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end as a second and a third joined him, followed by twenty more clones blocking the path that they had come from. 

“What in the name of Rao is the meaning of this?” Senator Zor-El demanded from behind her, uncovering her head.

“The Jedi have been stripped of their status and proclaimed as traitors to the Republic. They are to be executed on sight,” Captain Trin declared, “Turn Alexandra Danvers over now or share her fate.”

“There has to be a mistake, Captain. I've known General Danvers since she was a child. The girl doesn’t have a treasonous bone in her body,” the senator protested.

“Senator, I don’t think now is the time fo—”

“You have five seconds before we open fire,” the clone captain said, tightening his grip on his rifle.

Alexandra readied herself and reached out to the Force. With a flick of both of her hands, she extended her arms to knock down almost all the clones in the first rows. In the small moment of respite that this bought her, she pushed the Senator into an alleyway that would be easy to defend and moved in front of the entrance. 

She ignited both of her sabers just in time as energy bolts bared down upon her all at once. Her moves were practiced and fluid, like an elaborate dance as she twirled and spun her blades to deflect most of the bolts coming at her directly back at the one who had shot them and slashing at those that dared come within the blade’s length. 

Out of the corner of her eye she noticed someone running towards the firefight, and for the first time in this entire debacle, fear shot through her and shattered her concentration.

_Maggie!_

An energy bolt struck her thigh, just above the armored plate that covered her knee. As much as she wanted to fall to the floor and cry out in pain, she continued to keep standing. Shifting her weight to her other leg, she leapt forward with the help of the Force and beheaded the remaining five troopers that stood in front of her in one smooth spin. 

With the imminent danger dealt with, Alexandra sheathed her blades and fell on her uninjured knee as she felt her brothers and sisters across the galaxy. 

She was vaguely aware of the tears that were streaming down her face. How could she have been so blind? 

None of her sacrifices had made any difference. It hadn’t mattered that she had left Krypton, or that she had even returned.

It didn’t matter whether she had left the Order or stayed because now it was gone. 

Familiar, callused hands held her cheeks and forced her to look upwards, shifting her back into focus.

“—anvers can you hear me? We need to get you and the senator out of here, I’m sure that there are more on their way,” Maggie’s soft voice pierced through the haze and Alexandra felt herself nodding absently as she helped her to her feet. 

Maggie was right. They had to get moving. 

She reached out to the Force to help sooth the pain in her leg until it was only a dull throb and then shifted her weight, testing her handiwork. It would still be painful if she had to run, but it was a relief from before. 

As soon as she let go of the arm that Maggie had lent for support, she felt a spike of fear through the Force and heard a cry of her own name amidst the sound of blaster fire. Time slowed to a crawl as she turned and watched helplessly as Kara jumped in front of the energy bolt and crumpled to the ground.

It felt like she was walking on a tightrope between realities. 

Time snapped back into place as she looked straight at the clone that held his blaster in a shaky hand. He had only a minute of life left in him but in that instant, she didn’t _care_ . Rage rushed through every nerve of her body as she used the Force to knock the weapon out of his hand and onto the ground with a resounding _crack_.

The trooper’s fear was so great that she could almost taste it. Her eyebrows furrowed and her hand clenched as she stepped closer, and she felt a deep darkness cloud her mind as she lifted the other hand. A dizzying amount of power crackled within her, electrifying every fiber of her being as she reached out to it. 

“Danvers,” Maggie whispered, and Alexandra pulled her eyes away for a second and down to where Maggie was kneeling beside Kara. She was still taking breaths, albeit shallow ones. Their eyes met, and she realized with a shock that the fear she was sensing wasn't only coming from the fading life of the clone, but Maggie and Kara as well.

Her anger evaporated at the realization and she knelt at Kara’s other side, taking her bloodied body into her arms. 

Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked down at Kara. She was too far gone. There was nothing that Alexandra could do to save her. With every second, Kara's face was becoming paler and she knew that they only had moments left.

“It should have been me,” Alexandra choked out, her nose filled with the acrid scent of burnt flesh like before, “Why?”

“You know why,” the woman coughed harshly and a trickle of scarlet made its way down the corner of her mouth, but smiled once she regained a wheezing breath, “The old must fall away in order for the new to rise up. This was Rao’s will.”

“Maybe if we can make it to the ship,” she thought aloud desperately, although she knew in her heart it was no use, “We cou—”

“It is my time. I n-need you to say the p-prayer,” Kara’s usually strong voice was weak as she begged, and Alexandra’s sorrow deepened as she felt the senator's pulse become even weaker. “Please.”

With pursed lips, she looked up at Maggie who nodded gently with encouragement, her eyes overflowing with silent tears as she offered her hand for Alexandra to take. She did so and looked back down to Kara. 

“I would be honored to. Close your eyes. You’ve worked hard today. You deserve to rest,” she managed to choke out, “And I’ll pray.” 

Kara smiled up at her one last time and she did her best to return it before the senator closed her eyes. Once she did, Alexandra reached out to the Force, hesitantly at first, but then more confidently when she realized that the previous darkness was no longer present. She used the Force then, to soothe the pain of Kara’s wound as she had with her own leg. 

She felt Kara sigh a little in relief and relax into Alexandra’s hold as she began the prayer. 

“ _You have been the sun of our lives_ ,” she started, letting her tears run free for the first time, ” _Our prayers will be the sun that lights your way on the journey home. We will remember you in every dawn and await the night that we rejoin you in the sky_.”

She couldn’t help the deep, painful sob that escaped her when she felt the senator go completely slack in her arms. She squeezed Maggie's hand even tighter than before as she pushed out the last phrase.

“ _Rao’s will be done_.”


	2. hoax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here is fanart that goes with this chapter!!! many thanks again @sithwitch!!! ✌🏻😭 https://64.media.tumblr.com/22516d6628cd95f165bdab13c1e2cdfa/69aa8a0041dd56d8-fd/s540x810/5dce06b98173a2c80d68060b1d1cbde72c475303.png

_ “Ties between masters and padawans are strong and important.  _

_ They must always be respected.” _

_ -Master Oppo Rancisis _

* * *

**19 BBY**

Maggie helped her stumble into the small sleeping quarters on the  _ Bronze Byte _ and she reached out to cling to one of the railings of the top bunks, her hand still covered in Kara Zor-El’s blood. 

She was vaguely aware of Maggie removing her arm from around her shoulders and stepping around in front of her, forcing her to meet her eyes. 

“I’m going to head to the front and get us out of this system before the planet goes on lockdown. I’ll be right back once we get into hyperspace,” she said in a confident voice, pushing a strand of Alexandra’s hair behind her ear. 

She pursed her lips and nodded in response and wiped the tears off of her face with her free hand, before she realized that it was covered with Kara’s blood as well. Maggie must have noticed the flash of horror that crossed her face because she pointed to a corner of the sleeping quarters. 

“There’s a refresher in there,” she said in a soft voice, “I’m going to leave Byte with you. He gets nervous when he sees the hyperspace lights.”

The corner of Alexandra’s mouth twitched upwards at the mention of the little pozabian feathered lizard. Maggie pulled him out of her front overall pocket and held him up towards her. After a little flick of his tongue, he took a flying leap and landed on Alexandra’s shoulder, snuggling into her —Kara’s— robe at the nape of her neck. 

“I’ll be back before you know it.” 

Just like that, Maggie was gone and Alexandra was left alone with just a purring little lizard, leeching her warmth, and the sharp jolts of pain she felt every so often through the Force. 

She felt the thrusters powering up and the ship beginning to lift off. The trembling of the floor underneath her snapped her out of her thoughts and reminded her of the task at hand.

Her voice cracked as she spoke for the first time since Kara’s death. 

“Let’s get cleaned up, yeah?” she muttered to Byte and she felt a little nip in return, “Alright, alright, I’m going.”

His purr got louder as she made her way to the refresher and looked at herself in the mirror. 

Alexandra was no stranger to blood, or war, or violence. She was a general. She was a Jedi Knight. It was practically part of the job description. However, the fact that the blood smeared across her right cheek had belonged to one of her closest friends made her stomach turn.

Bile soured the back of her throat and she forced herself to turn away from her reflection and focused instead on the cleansing station in front of her. She took off her —Kara’s— robe, carefully folding it and placing it on one of the counters. She then unclipped the two dura-steel forearm guards engraved with kryptonian protection glyphs from her wraps and let them rest on top. Untucking one of the ends, she methodically unwound the thick, brown fabric from around her left arm and hand and then moved along to her right side. 

Both strips were sullied with more of Kara’s blood, and the bile taste rose into her mouth as she folded them as well and put them aside. She turned the knob on the cleansing station and let the water run over her now bare hands, frantically scrubbing at the skin and under her fingernails.

She was the reason that Kara had died. Her and her clouded mind and her needless attachments. If she had followed the code, Kara Zor-El would still be alive. The blood was literally and figuratively on her hands. 

Alexandra leaned down and let the water wash over her face. When she straightened back up to look in the mirror, she looked normal. As if nothing had happened. As if Kara was waiting for her on the bridge.

But it wasn’t true. The Force alerted her of thousands of deaths across the galaxies and systems. Her brothers and sisters falling lifeless with each passing second. 

There were so many of them, masters calling out to their padawans to run. Bolts firing. Younglings in the Temple, waiting for someone to save them.

_ “— there are too many of them. What are we going to do?” _ she heard one of the children ask in a soft whisper. 

The nausea returned, crashing over her in a wave, forcing her stomach to empty itself. She rinsed her mouth out and felt another tiny nip of support from Byte. The child was gone.

Just when she thought it couldn’t get any worse, she felt a familiar presence in her mind. Soothing her mind like a balm. A smaller life accompanying it. Her old master. 

She closed her eyes to concentrate and try and strengthen the connection, hoping to let him know she was alive somehow.

For a moment it was as if she could see through his eyes. He was in the pilot’s seat of a small ship. The padawan he had taken was sitting next to him as co-pilot. 

They were being pursued, but her old master was the epitome of calm. The padawan, however she could not say the same of.

_ “Kantel, I need you to—“ _

An explosion ripped through the back of the ship, and Alexandra could feel the heat of it along her back. She remembered reading about how fire affected martians in her studies. 

Her— J’onn’s vision blacked out and she snapped out of her vision, the screaming of his young padawan echoing in her mind.

_ J’onn, no!  _

She desperately tried to get the connection back, but it was no use. With every passing moment she could feel him dying. The pain was sharper than any other death she had felt previously. So much so that she felt her consciousness start to fade. 

Her knees collapsed underneath her as spots clouded her own vision, a burning sensation consuming her until finally, blessedly, she passed out.

**32 BBY**

In the middle of an empty room, a twelve-year-old Alexandra Danvers sat in a meditative position. Her back was perfectly straight and her legs folded underneath her, her palms facing up as they rested on her knees. 

Master Yoda had been an excellent teacher through the years, for her and her youngling peers. The Force was her guide, tugging her in the right directions and guiding her along the path it wanted her to go down. 

The youngling grinned slightly as she twisted her left hand and spread her fingers out as far as they would go, using the Force to deconstruct her lightsaber. She then lifted her right hand to adjust the individual pieces.

Tweaking the wiring around the focusing chamber with a pinching movement as if she was as if she was gripping a needle, she tightened it carefully in hopes that the hilt would stop making that awful clinking sound whenever she moved it. Satisfied, she moved on, letting her instinct lead her into bending the different alloys into a shape that she knew fit her hand even more perfectly than it did before.

Satisfied with the changes, Alexandra moved her left hand back to its original position, palm facing up, and slowly closed it into a fist. First her thumb, and then her index finger and so on, her smile widening as she felt and heard each of the pieces clicking perfectly into place. 

Carefully, she let it lower into her left hand and gripped it before opening her eyes. Eager to see how it had turned out, she flicked the activation switch and gasped gleefully when she saw the yellow blade come to life. It hummed softly, and Alexandra felt enveloped in a comforting warmth. 

Suddenly, there was a soft rap on the entryway of the meditation room, jolting her out of her trance. She turned to look at the figure standing there. 

The youngling sheathed her lightsaber, stumbled onto her feet, and gave a quick bow. 

“Master J'onzz,” Alexandra greeted the man. 

The martian stood tall in his original form, towering over her in a way that made her feel extraordinarily small. The large hilt of his two handed saber was clipped to his utility belt and his robes were a mix of traditional and intricate. He wore black durasteel armor on his forearms and chest, engraved with what she assumed to be his native language.

“We have an audience with the council,” he informed her as to why he was there. His voice sounded like layers of vibrations being split apart and then put back together. Alexandra couldn’t help but find it comforting. 

“Yes master, of course,” Alexandra acquiesced and used the Force to activate the magnet on her hilt so that it snapped into place on her utility belt. A wide grin came across her face before she joyfully followed the martian’s lead.

In just a few short minutes, the youngling stood straight and poised in the center of the council room, with the twelve Grand Masters sitting before her. 

“Alexandra,” Master Plo’s voice sounded a mix of watery and muffled, “Master J’onn J'onzz has requested that you be his padawan. Are you prepared?”

“Yes Master,” she was quick to reply, nodding.

“Very well. Please, remind us of the Jedi Code.”

She glanced around nervously before making eye contact with Master J’onn. He smiled kindly and tipped his head in an encouraging gesture. Taking a deep breath, she turned back to the council and began the creed. 

_ “There is no emotion; there is peace. _

_ There is no ignorance; there is knowledge. _

_ There is no passion; There is serenity. _

_ There is no death; there is only the Force.” _

Alexandra paused for a moment there, letting them all sit with the weight of the statement. She glanced over at Master J’onn for a moment. Her stomach twinged. She continued on. 

_ “A Jedi does not act for personal power or wealth but seeks knowledge and enlightenment. _

_ A Jedi never acts from hatred, anger, fear, or aggression but acts when calm and at peace with the Force. _

_ Jedi are the guardians of peace in the galaxy. _

_ Jedi use the powers to defend and to protect, never to attack others. _

_ Jedi respect life, in any form. _

_ Jedi serve others rather than ruling over them, for the good of the galaxy. _

_ Jedi seek to improve themselves through knowledge and training.” _

“Very good,” Master Ki-Adi-Mundi praised her, causing her to smile, “Now. As you further in your training, it’s imperative that you remember and live by the code.”

“Yes Master,” she bowed slightly in a gesture of respect, to acknowledge that she took his words seriously. 

“Master J’onzz, step forward, will you?” Master Yoda asked in a cheery voice, “Each other, face.” 

They obeyed.

“The oath, you both know?

Both the master and the youngling nodded in confirmation. Master Yoda made a gesture with his hand that signified to Alexandra she was to speak first.

She looked up at Master J’onzz and began, willing herself to commit to herself to every word. Every little one in the temple dreamed of becoming a Knight, a protector of the universe, traveling from system to system. But Alexandra knew with every fiber of her being that she was meant for this. She knelt down on one knee and put her right hand in a fist over her heart.

"I vow to follow the Jedi Path, to study and revere the Living Force, to defend and be faithful to Jediism, to keep always in the way of the Light and to reject the Dark and perverse, to obey my superiors in rank and to fulfill the tasks, duties or probes that the Jedi Order may send to me. That I swear upon my honor."

Her words come out crisp and precise and her chest filled with warmth and confidence as she said the last sentence. 

Master Yoda nodded, pleased and then looked over to Master J’onzz. 

A large, green hand rested on her head, the heel of his palm resting just above the bridge of her nose.

“I vow to lead you in the Jedi Path, to teach and be guided by the Living Force, to encourage you towards the Light and correct you when the Dark is tempting, to plead the council on your behalf. I will not ask of you something that you are unfit to do, while also presenting you with opportunities that allow you to grow. That I swear upon my honor.”

A warmth filled her chest as she kept her kneeling position and turned to Master Yoda, who outstretched his hand and used the Force to effortlessly braid a small portion of her hair behind her left ear. The rest of her hair was still down, reaching down past her shoulder blades. 

She blinked rapidly a few times to get rid of the tears that were starting to gather. 

_ There is no emotion; There is peace. _

**31 BBY**

A year into Alexandra’s apprenticeship, she was introduced to the newly minted Master Kenobi’s padawan. 

Obi Wan had grown up since the last time she had seen him, just a month or so ago. He had the stubbly beginnings of a beard, and his hair curled around his ear. His kind smile was now accompanied by darkened bags under his eyes. 

The man was twice as old as she was and she could almost see herself in his position. A vision of herself standing about a foot taller than she was now in a grey garb and armor similar to her Master’s. Her long hair and padawan braid were gone, replaced by a neat bun sitting at the top of her head.

The vision became fuzzy and flickered with a second version of herself. Bloodied robes and scarred skin prominent. 

Alex blinked and it was gone.

She bowed to Master Kenobi. The small boy next to him didn’t bow to her own master, and it made her shift with unease, feeling offended on J’onn’s behalf. 

Their eyes made contact and she squinted a little. For being the supposed “Chosen One” he was wildly ordinary. 

“Alexandra. Why don’t you and the boy go to the library and study. Keep him out of trouble. Master Kenobi and I need to have a conversation,” Master J'onzz said in the vibrating tone that she had started to find comforting over the past six months.

“Yes Master,” she broke eye contact, but felt the younger boy’s eyes on her as she bowed to both the older Jedi and excused herself, assuming that he would follow as she turned away. She was right. 

“The library has… books right?” the boy said after a few moments of lingering silence, “I don’t know how to read. I never learned how.”

She pursed her lips as she tried to control her emotions as her master had taught her. The suspected Chosen One and he didn’t even know how to read! 

If what she had heard was true about the boy, he had grown up on a small planet in the outer rim controlled by the Hutt family. Education wasn’t exactly the top priority in those parts. 

_ There is no ignorance; there is knowledge. _

“Well, then we will just have to teach you,” she paused for a moment as a horrific thought crossed her mind, “Do you know the code?”

He nodded and smiled proudly, “I memorized it by Obi-Wan saying it to me a few times.”

“Alright we’ll start there.”

Alexandra led the young boy through the grand doors of the library and went straight to the youngling section picking out all of the pictures with basic written on it along with a few small stories that they could start off with.

They set up shop on a small desk in one of the study corners of the library. 

“Now, let’s teach you to properly introduce yourself to a master,” she spotted Master Nu patrol near them, “You must bow and make eye contact with each of them, not just Master Kenobi. Each has their own wisdom to share with you.” 

The boy nodded in understanding and trailed behind her as she approached Master Nu, bowing in time with her. 

“Master, may we please have a datapad and a stylus to take notes?” she asked politely. 

“Another full day of studies, Alexandra?” the woman passed the materials down to her, “One would think that you’re trying to become a scholar rather than a knight.”

“Just an assignment from Master J’onzz. This is Master Kenobi’s padawan. I’m not sure if you have met or not,” she said, stepping to the side giving the boy a slight nod to remind him to bow again.

“It’s good to meet you, padawan. Anakin Skywalker is it?” Master Nu asked and Alex felt a flush along her cheeks as she realized that she had been so annoyed by his behavior that she didn't even know what the boy's name was before this moment

Sure, there had been whispers among the companions that she had made in her youngling clan, but never a name. 

“It sure is!” 

**30 BBY**

Alex ran as fast as she could through the marketplace with her padawan braid flying behind her, easily dodging and weaving in between traders and customers alike searching for the probe that Master J’onnz had sent her after. It could be one of the keys into unraveling who was after the Zor-El family. 

She felt a little tug in the Force leading her to a dead end alleyway. 

_ Kriff _ , she thought to herself looking up at the tall walls, suddenly getting an idea of where the probe could have gone. Gathering the Force around her, she jumped towards one of the walls. The moment her foot connected with it, she twisted her body and kicked off, gracefully making contact with the opposite wall. She went back and forth between them, maintaining the momentum she had gathered through the Force. Eventually, she grabbed hold of the lip of the roof and hauled herself up onto it. 

The probe was speeding off in front of her, three flat rooftops ahead. She took off in a sprint behind it, jumping over the alleyways before it ducked down into the fourth and she watched as it turned into what looked like a garage. The neon light turned off and she was unable to read in the dark. 

A dim glow came from the garage door, and Alexandra snapped into action, leaping off of the roof and rolling when she made contact with the floor before springing to her feet. With careful, quiet steps, she peeked into the garage and saw where the glow was coming from, about three ship stalls over.

Quiet whispering and soft boops came from the area, and she decided that she needed to get closer in order to assess the situation properly. Sticking to the shadows, she adjusted the hood further over her face as she crept forward. 

“You and your heat screeners are going to be the death of me one day, I swear it,” she heard the voice of a girl and she craned her neck around a suspended engine to find that this was where the light was coming from. It was a floodlight on a tripod, beaming down on the probe droid that she had followed here. A shift of movement pulled her attention away from the lifeless droid and onto the person that looked about her age in greyish blue overalls, and a colorfully feathered lizard perched on her shoulder. 

Alexandra saw the lizard’s head flinch towards her and flick its tongue, and she followed her urge to duck back down. 

“What is it Byte?” the girl asked and Alexandra sensed eyes just over her head. A skittering sound reached her hiding place and she found herself subconsciously reaching for her lightsaber. 

She reached out to the little life with her mind.

The Force indicated that the creature was simply curious. 

Rubber soles against concrete told her that the girl was coming closer, a blaster clutched in her hands. This girl wasn’t just curious. She was fearful. Instinct told Alexandra that the girl would end up shooting at her no matter what she did, more likely than not because of a startle reflex. 

She hopped up from her hiding place and ignited her blade, deflecting the first few bolts. The girl halted her firing. 

“A Jedi? But why—”

“I followed your probe droid here,” she explained quickly, “My master and I are here to investigate attacks on the Zor-El family. I was hoping that we might be able to take a look at the footage you were able to collect? From the most recent attack on the ball.”

“Oh yes of course,” the girl said with a dimpled grin, returning her blaster to its holster. Reaching out with a grease stained hand, “Sorry about that. The name’s Sawyer. Maggie Sawyer. This-” she gestured to the lizard that had partially crawled up her leg “-is Byte. And the droid you followed is AT-54.”

She sheathed her saber and let it snap back to its previous position on her belt as she took the other girl’s forearm.

“Alexandra Danvers. It’s good to meet you both,” she gave a little smile before becoming serious once more, “Can I ask how you got into possession of this droid in the first place?”

“I was making a drone for my assignment at the academy—”

**29 BBY**

It was Anakin that she thought about when Maggie asked her about her parents. 

Alexandra had been sitting on the edge of one of the back thrusters of the ship, her ankles crossed as they swung back and forth. Byte was in her lap, belly up and purring as she gently stroked the scales on his chin. The feathers on his little legs stretched out in a way that she could only describe as relaxed. 

“Hey, pass me the vibro-sander, will you?” 

The cheery voice came from above her and she looked up to see Maggie’s dimpled face peeking out over the edge of the hull. It was no surprise that her entire face was streaked with engine grease. Well, except for the parts that her goggles were covering. 

“There’s some rusted parts I’m hoping I can save,” Maggie continued on. 

“What ever would you do without me,” Alexandra teased and used the Force to select the tool from the cart and then float it up towards the other girl.

“Probably buy a better droid,” she stuck her tongue out in response and let out a giggle when Alexandra let out a cry of mock protest. 

Maggie’s face disappeared behind the lip and the sound of grinding metal. 

Believe it or not, this was one of the perfect kinds of environment for Alexandra to practice her abilities in. It was loud, and noisy, and distracting just like an environment in a real life situation would be. 

Deciding that Byte had the right idea, she let herself lay on her back and used the Force to locate loose screws and bolt on the floor and retrieve them without moving a muscle. 

The grinding sound came to a stop and Alexandra sensed that she was being watched with her eyes closed.

“Let me guess, the sonic wrench?” she opened a single eye to see Maggie nodding and used the Force to switch out the tools.

A comfortable silence stretched between them as they each made progress in their own tasks.

“I know you have your master, but do you have any parents? Or siblings?” Maggie projected her voice over the sound of her ratcheting tool, “My family holo-messaged me yesterday, and I realized that I didn’t know anything about yours when you know so much about mine.” 

“I definitely have parents. I mean I am human so I had to come from somewhere, but I don’t remember anything about them,” she continued to pull all of the little metal bits and bobs out of their hiding places as she talked casually, “I was six months old when I was selected and taken to Coruscant.”

The ratcheting sound stopped and she could sense that Maggie’s eyes were on her once more.

“You don’t seem too torn up about it,” she said and Alexandra could practically hear the head tilt in her voice

She stopped her collecting and sat back up, propping herself up on the heels of her palms. Byte trilled indignantly at his bed moving and wiggled back into a comfortable position. The now-familiar sound of velcro being pulled apart met her ears, meaning that the work for the day had been finished.

“Why would I be torn up about someone I never knew?” she watched as Maggie stuffed her gloves in her back pocket and clambered down to sit next to her, on the side without the clutter she had collected.

“Well I don’t know. I guess it’s hard to wrap my mind around,” Maggie took the goggles off of her face and Alexandra took a clean cloth out from her belt and silently offered it. She took it with a flash of a grateful smile before continuing on, “My ma taught me everything I know about ships, and my da is the only one in the entire galaxy that can make roasted kajaka root good enough to convince the Mandolorians to become pacifists. I held my baby sister for the first time just a year ago.”

A pause lingered as Maggie stopped her wiping and balled the fabric into her fist, and Alexandra’s chest warmed at the sight of her thinking of her next words. Her lips were partly pursed as she looked ahead and despite her best efforts, Alexandra could still see that streaks of grease still remained. 

With one hand she took the rag back, and with the other she gently turned her chin so that she was facing her. As she cleaned the girl’s face, she decided on the best thing to say.

“The Order has given me more than anyone outside it can imagine. Everything I know about the Force came from them,” Alexandra could feel Maggie’s full attention on her and had to concentrate her eyes on the spot she was cleaning to keep her cheeks from reddening, smoothly diverting to humor, “And don’t even get me started on the Temple  _ harza _ cake. No matter who my biological parents are I don’t think they can come anywhere close to it.” 

Maggie let out a little laugh and easily complied when Alexandra moved her head again in order to get to the final smear on her face, just in front of her right ear.

“There was a time that I was curious, back when I first met Anakin. Up until then, I hadn’t known anyone my age that remembered what either of their parents were like, so I guess thought had never crossed my mind,” Alexandra saw Maggie begin to ask another question, but she already had the answer, “He was ten, and he grew up with his mother. The Council made an exception.”

Satisfied with her work, she stopped her cleaning and stuffed the towel back into its designated pouch on her belt to be washed later.

“So then if there are able to be exceptions, then why were the rest of you selected so young?”

“Maggie, in the thousand years that the Order has existed, the oldest child besides him allowed to be trained according to record was five ,” she watched as Maggie’s jaw dropped and had to keep from laughing so that she could go on to answer her question, “Attachment is dangerous for a Jedi. We are meant to be unbiased peacekeepers, with a clear mind. Those that don’t dwell on the past or the future.”

“See, that makes sense, but you just said you’re still making attachments in the Order,” she pointed out. 

“That’s different,” Alexandra protested with a scrunch of her nose.

“So you’re telling me that you’re not attached to Master J’onzz, but at the same time you are?” she extended her hand towards Byte. He let out a disgruntled little croak and flared his nostrils as he lazily crawled out of Alexandra’s lap and up Maggie’s arm.

“No! Ye—“ she looked up to see the mischievous look on her face and gently pushed the shoulder Byte wasn’t perched on, “You’re messing with me!”

“Me? Never,” the sarcasm was clear in Maggie’s voice, and her smile widened before becoming serious again, “I just want to make sure you see the whole picture. You talk about what the Order’s beliefs are, but what are yours?”

Between mechanics and discussing semantics, Alexandra had a feeling that Anakin Skywalker and Maggie Sawyer would get along very well if they ever met. 

She wasn't sure whether to be glad or disappointed about the fact that there was a slim chance of the event actually occurring.

**28 BBY**

“Keep your stance. Diligence, Alexandra,” she heard the vibrating voice of her Master’s coaching.

Despite the chill of the early morning, a layer of sweat coated the sixteen year old’s entire body. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes under her blindfold as she felt a slight pull in her chest from the Force, warning her of J’onn’s oncoming attack.

She quickly moved the lightsaber in her left hand to block the blade, and a sizzling sound filled the air. She was able to successfully push it away, and just as quickly she felt the blade coming back from the opposite side of her guard. 

She blocked the hit with a quick twist, and suddenly everything went still. There was no noise besides the hum of their weapons. Not even a footstep. 

Despite being unable to see, Alexandra turned her head from side to side to try and find something —anything— to clue her into what her master was up to. She inhaled and unclenched her jaw as she let the Force become her only sense.

Suddenly an almost swooping sensation came over her and she followed the urge to quickly switch off her saber before letting the Force guide her in a deep backbend. She felt the slight heat of her Master’s saber pass over before she swung back up, igniting her saber again and side-stepping the next swing..

“Good! Exactly like that!” J’onn encouraged her before they exchanged another flurry of blows.

_ Overhead block. _

_ Jump.  _

_ Parry.  _

_ Roll.  _

Each of the different movements flowed seamlessly. The Force was running through her like the very blood in her veins and she wanted to laugh out of pure exhilaration. That is, until her legs were suddenly swept out from under her and she felt hard cobblestone under her back through her thin training robes. 

Alexandra groaned and pulled off her blindfold to reveal her master standing over her with his green saber pointed about a foot from her head.

“That was very well done,” J’onn praised her and sheathed his blade before extending his other hand to help her up, “You must remember to keep your scope widened. I was able to knock you down because you were focused on just my weapon.”

“Yes Master,” Alexandra replied, brushing the dirt off of herself and using the Force to bring her lightsaber back into her hand and letting it attach itself to her utility belt, “May I be dismissed?”

“How is that second saber coming along?” he asked with a smile.

“I just need a few more parts I think. Maggie said she’d let me scrounge through her scraps,” she attempted to say as casually as she could, ignoring the way her heart skipped a little beat. 

_ There is no emotion; there is peace _ , Alexandra reminded herself and let go of the flutter she felt in her stomach.

“Well then,” J’onn mused, stroking his chin as he considered his padawan, “You are dismissed. Remember the El family has requested our presence in the dining hall at noon. I want you in you—”

“You want me in my best robes and a half hour early, I know Master. I’m not a youngling anymore, you know,” she retorted as she started to unbind the wraps that covered her hands and forearms during sparring. 

“You’re right, but the reminder never hurts,” J’onn said with a low distorted vibration that Alexandra had come to know as a laugh, “Now run along. Hit the sanitation chambers before I decide to have you do a hundred pull ups for that last defeat.”

Without another word of encouragement needed, she stuffed her wraps in the pockets of her pants before sprinting off to her quarters. 

~

Alexandra finished securing the new wraps around her forearms and then rebraided her padawan braid behind her right ear, using the small mirror hanging next to her door to make sure that she was doing it properly, before using a small elastic to tie it off. 

With that finished, she grabbed the small bag of parts that she had already collected and clipped it onto her utility belt. 

After one last glance at the mirror, Alexandra decided she was ready and exited her quarters, making her way to the maintenance lift hidden behind a tapestry, proudly embroidered with the crest of the House of El.

The spiral staircase led straight to the kitchens, filled with droids hard at work preparing breakfast for the inhabitants of the embassy building. Using the Force, she quickly snagged a  _ meiloorun _ fruit and dashed out the backdoor which led straight to the marketplace, teeming with bodegas and bright lights. 

Thankfully, it was still early enough that the only people out and about on the street were the early birds getting to work and merchants attempting to sell their wares to said early birds. She reached Gvan’nchist Academy Auto Shop after a couple of blocks, finding the garage doors already open. 

She slipped inside and found herself smiling as she heard music coming from Maggie’s workstation. As she moved closer, she could see the ship that her friend was working on, and the friend herself on a rolling board underneath it. 

The mechanic wore her usual overall uniform, grey to display her status as an apprentice, although Maggie’s were cuffed at the bottom because they were a few inches too long. 

“Hey there,  _ taiium _ ,” she vyed for Maggie’s attention as she stood next to the rolling board, careful not to get in the way.

“Danvers!” Maggie’s voice echoed a little as she slid herself out from under the ship and smiled so wide that her dimples were visible, “ Byte and I were wondering when you were going to turn up.”

At the mention of his name, the little feathered lizard chirped from where he dozed on the top of one of the overhead lamps, soaking in the warmth it provided. 

“You and Byte, huh?” she reached her hand out towards the small being in a silent invitation. He wiggled his tail in anticipation and jumped onto her hand, nipped her finger in what she assumed was a ‘thanks’ and finally crawled up her arm to coiled around her bicep.

“Yeah, maybe it was mostly me,” Maggie got off of the floor and set her multitool down on her work bench.

Alexandra felt her stomach flutter furiously again as warmth rose to her ears. 

_ There is no emotion; there is peace _ .

“I got here as quickly as I could manage to get away. I brought us some breakfast, too,” she said with a little grin, showing off the meiloorun fruit.

“I knew I could count on you!” Maggie cheered, swiftly taking off her gloves and wiping any remaining smudges of grease with a clean rag that had been hanging on her workbench. She took the fruit and beckoned her, “Come on, we can eat in the respite room.” 

Alexandra felt her face warming again at the invitation and quickly followed her lead.

“Thank you,” she said gratefully when her friend held the door open for her and walked over to a table that had a box containing bits and bobs, “Are these the scraps you were talking about before?”

“Yeah! Feel free to take a look, but they’re still dirty so you might want to wait until after we eat,” Maggie said from the counter where she was cleaning the fruit.

Taking her advice, she sat at a different table and smiled when Maggie joined her with the fruit and with the pocketknife that she had cleaned at the same time. 

“What?” she asked, realizing that Alexandra was staring at her.

“There’s a little—” she tried to explain but just shook her head and smiled before leaning over and wiping a smear of grease that was still left on her face with a piece of her robe. 

“You know I’m just going to end up getting dirty all over again,” Maggie rolled her eyes playfully, but allowed it to happen.

“Yeah, well…” she blushed a little, not really having an excuse prepared, “Whatever. Let’s eat, I'm starving.”

They took turns carefully carving slices off of the fruit and eating it before passing it back to the other while talking about the progressions they each had made in their studies. Byte crawled down her forearm to occasionally nip her knuckles when he wanted a share. 

“AT-54 has a circuit loose again, I’m almost sure of it,” Maggie ragged on the droid unit assigned to her at the beginning of her apprenticeship with a dimpled laugh, as Alexandra ate the last piece, before both made their way back to the sinks to wash their hands.

“Well, maybe your box of scraps can solve both of our problems,” she replied with a grin as she dried her hands. She then made her way across the room to take a closer look at what the box held for her. 

~

She could feel the excitement coming from Maggie as she sat in her regular meditation position, using the Force to hold all of the pieces that she had been able to scrounge. With a soft intake of breath, Alexandra centered her crystal into its chamber and then used the Force to connect said chamber to the power source. 

Piece by piece, the new saber became a little more solid until it was time for the outside casing. The scrap of dark copper-looking metal was from Maggie's box of goodies, a hollow cylinder that was slightly bigger than the exposed hilt, cut vertically from top to bottom. 

Once the casing was in its correct placement, Alexandra used the Force to bend it more tightly around the hilt, causing there to be a little lip of metal that went past the edge it was supposed to meet. 

She let the almost-finished product softly drop back into her hand in one piece and opened her eyes to see Maggie staring at her with a tilt of her head.

“Hey, can I borrow your fusing pen again?” she asked her in a casual tone, doing her best to restrain her pride at the look on her face. 

“Oh yeah absolutely,” Maggie replied, fumbling through her pockets for it and then passing it over with a smile. 

With a small whisper of thanks, she took it and carefully cut off the bit of overlap that still remained and then bonded the two ends together. With that finished, she passed back the fusing pen with a wide grin and used the Force to trigger the internal switch and activate the blade. 

Maggie let out a low whistle, in awe of the yellow glow.

It was a little shorter than her first, seeing as she had made this one a shoto design. Quickly getting up, she used the Force to grab the one still attached to her hip and got herself into the proper stance before igniting it as well. 

“Not too shabby, Danvers,” Maggie grinned as she stood up and checked the clock, “You should probably get going. Thank you for your help with AT-54.”

“Don’t even mention it. It was the least I could do in return,” she waved her hand in a little dismissive gesture. She sheathed her blades and activated their magnets to clip onto her utility belt, “There’s going to be a meteor shower tomorrow night.”

“There is indeed. Meet me on the roof?” Maggie confirmed, shooting her a mischievous, dimpled smile that made her heart flutter a little.

_ There is no emotion; there is peace. _

Alexandra did her best to school her features into a neutral expression, but was sure that her eyes gave her away. 

“I would be honored,” she said with a playful little bow, at which she sensed Maggie rolling her eyes, and grabbed the small leftover scrap from her hilt, “Can I keep this?”

“Of course you can! Now go,” Maggie said, pushing her shoulder, “Get out of here Danvers. I don’t need you getting in trouble with the green guy because of me.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll see you, Maggie,” she stuffed the tiny piece of metal into her pouch and reattached it to her belt before starting to jog away backwards, “Thanks again, for all of this.”

“Any time, Danvers.”


	3. seven

_“The crystal is the heart of the blade._

_The heart is the crystal of the Jedi._

_The Jedi is the crystal of the Force._

_The Force is the blade of the heart._

_All are intertwined:_

_The crystal, The blade, The Jedi._

_You are one.”_

_-Luminara Unduli_

* * *

**26 BBY**

Her padawan braid smacked her on the side of her head as she turned to follow General Astra’s path downwards. 

A small part of her recognized that she should wait for her master to accompany her, but the Force was practically propelling her towards this. It was beckoning her. This was a part of her path. 

She let go of her handhold and dropped onto the path that the newly discovered suspect had taken. The Force led her onwards, near a small stream that opened up into a wider, rushing river. Cool, rushing water put her at ease. Sweat that had gathered on her brow felt refreshing and almost cleansing as she overtook the assailant.

“In the name of the Galactic Senate of the Republic, you are under arrest for the attempt on the lives of the Zor-El family,” she activated both of her blades and got into a ready position, “I suggest you come peacefully.” 

“Oh Brave One, don’t tell me you’re expecting me to simply concede?” General Astra’s yellow eyes flickered as she ignited her own blade, a crimson broadsaber. 

Alexandra jumped over a low swing of the blade and caught it against her own two when it approached the side of her ribcage. She quickly launched herself off of the woman's thigh and propelled herself into a backwards flip away.

She shifted her grip on her lightsabers so that both blades were facing backwards. Only a little more stalling and Master J’onzz would catch up to them, she was absolutely positive. 

Her breathing slowed and she rushed back towards Astra, using all of her might to stab downwards towards her opposition, only to be knocked down by a sharp tendril of lightning coming from her hands. Both lightsabers sheathed themselves and rolled out of her hands as she fell to the ground and another tendril of lightning pulsed through her body. 

Footsteps came nearer and her vision started to become spotty. Desperately, she reached out to the Force and wrapped it around herself as one would a soothing balm. Her eyes sharpened a little as she saw the red flash of a blade come towards the right side of her neck. 

With a deep breath and all of the strength she had in her body, she used the Force to push the blade away as hard as she possibly could. The sweat on her brow was no longer refreshing but felt warm, almost as if it was blood rather than water. Her hand shook and it took everything in Alexandra not to yelp when she felt the excruciating heat of the crimson blade pressing against her neck. 

The spots began to linger once more in the sides of her vision. 

“Poor Brave One,” Astra said in a fuzzy voice, “How long do you think it will take your Master to find you once you’re gone?”

_Master_ , she almost could have sobbed with relief when she sensed his heavy footsteps come nearer and the resistance against her Force hold disappeared as Astra focused on the bigger threat.  
  


~

The first thing she was aware of when she came back into consciousness was a warmth enveloping her hand. Second, was the aching throb on her neck.

She let her eyes flutter open, groaning a little as she recognized the bright, sterile light of the kryptonian embassy medical facilities. Soft beeping filled the otherwise silent room as the machines monitoring her vitals kept a steady pace. 

The warmth surrounding her hand moved, causing her attention to be drawn to it once more. She blinked the fuzziness out of her eyes and the vague humanoid blob sitting next to her medical cot turned into a familiar friend.

“Danvers,” came the gentle whisper, causing Alexandra’s heart to tug painfully. 

“Maggie, what are you doing here?” she croaked out and the hours of unuse made it break a few times, “General Astra—“

“Was taken into custody,” Maggie finished for her, already knowing the question, “She’s being held in confinement until her trial tomorrow morning. If Senator Zor-El hadn’t given me clearance to your room when she did, I’d probably have her as my new neighbor.” 

Alexandra attempted a laugh, but winced as it grated against her throat. 

“Oh! Water! The doctor mentioned you might be thirsty,” her companion reached behind her with her free hand and then brought forward a cup. She held it steady to Alexandra’s lips as she took a careful sip, “Speaking of, I should probably go get the physician. J’onn just left to speak with him about your recovery.”

After a quick thanks, Maggie stood and she could tell that she was unhappy with the fact that she had to unjoin their hands in order to leave.

“I’ll be fine,” she assured her, giving the mechanic’s fingers a gentle squeeze, “Go on, I need some more of the good stuff.” 

The joke was a success and Alexandra felt the tug sharpen as the dimples on her cheeks appeared and a wide smile spread across her face. 

“The next time you go after a _fazhurium_ general with a laser sword, try not to do it alone will you?” Maggie asked when she got to the door of Alexandra’s room, looking back at her over her shoulder, “My da has great blood pressure, but I inherited ma’s.”

“I’ll be sure to do my best, Sawyer.”

The blistered and bloodied wound on her neck burned furiously now without the distraction of her friend, causing her heart rate to spike. An increase in her heart rate only caused her neck to throb with even more pain than before. 

The pace of beeping coming from the machine quickened as her master walked into the room. 

“Alexandra, breathe,” J’onn ordered, and her pain soothed enough that she found that she could for a moment.

_In through the nose, out through the mouth._

“I’m glad to see you awake,” he said with a proud smile that made her feel as if all of this had been worth it, “I got word from the council and there’s some good news and bad news.” 

“Can I get the good first?” 

“The council has determined that your fight with General Astra will suffice for your Trial of Courage.”

Confusion whirled through her. 

“But I lost,” she shifted so that she was sitting up a little as she tried to understand. 

“You knew you would lose before you went after her, didn’t you? But you still did it. You fought a losing battle to win a war, Alexandra. That is the very definition of courage.” 

She let pride build just a little in her chest before letting it go just as quickly. 

“And the bad news?”

“Your wound is on the table to be considered as a pass in your Trial of the Flesh.” 

Alexandra felt her heart sink, realizing what it meant before he said it. 

_No medication._

He continued on regardless.

“If you want that, you’re going to have to rely solely on the Force for your healing and relief.” 

She had only felt a minute or two of the pain, and it had felt like the blade was still there. If she closed her eyes she could almost hear the crackle of the saber. 

“You don’t have to accept the offer. You have already gone above and beyond the expectations I’ve had for you,” J’onn’s eyes glowed as their minds melded just enough to show Alexandra he was telling the truth.

She felt a little glimmer of guilt in her master’s of emotions mixed with a shadow of pity, “Two trials in the same step isn’t unheard of, but no one will think less of you if you choose to decline. There will be other opportunities.”

Alexandra shook her head. She was meant to be a knight. She would have to go through this one time or another, and it might as well be now. Her exhaustion would pass. The beginnings of a second wind was already beginning to thrum through her veins. 

“Let go. I can take it.” 

For the first time in her apprenticeship, she saw a look of worry pass over his face. 

“If it’s too much—“

“I will let you know,” she promised sincerely.

J’onn nodded and the pain in her neck began to simmer once more. 

_In through the nose, out through the mouth._

* * *

**24 BBY**

Two years passed, and though there are still those that supported General Astra’s ideologies, they had all faded into the background after her damning trial. Even so, the Jedi council had deemed it appropriate for J’onn and Alexandra to stay on Krypton until further notice to make sure the fragile order was guarded and kept in place. 

That was absolutely fine by her. Her lightsaber over the years became less of a weapon and more of a glowing lantern. She and Maggie used it to find the perfect rooftop of the city to watch the stars from. 

Alexandra would leap first, and then use the Force to carry her companion towards herself, enjoying the beaming smiles of exhilaration it brought her friend.

Once they found the perfect spot, she would deactivate her (usually shoto) lightsaber and get the blanket off from around her shoulders and lay it down over the shingles. Maggie took a loaf of unleavened bread out of her small backpack, while Byte crawled out of her front overall pocket and onto her shoulder. 

They laid side by side, pointing out the different constellations and teaching each other Kryptonian phrases that they had learned that day, giggling softly at the curses especially. 

“So _shisir_ means damn,” Maggie’s eyes twinkled mischievously one night, and Alexandra did her best not to grin as she pretended to be scandalized. She snatched the bread and tore a bit off and passed it back. 

Their fingers brushed and she felt the ever present tug on her chest pull tighter. Byte leaped up and nipped playfully at her wrist, jolting her back into reality with impeccable timing. 

She offered a few crumbs as a silent thanks as she snarked her friend back.

“I tell you the very useful term of a sanitization center, or _dhruzh_ , and you think it’s appropriate to give me a curse word that the council would frown upon me for using?” 

“Well,” Maggie swallowed a bite of her own before continuing her reply, “How else will people around here know that you’ve stubbed a toe or slammed your fingers in a drawer or something?”

“It’s the Jedi’s job to be aware of everything, Sawyer,” she said, flicking her two braids over her shoulder in a jokingly haughty way, “Stubbed toes and slammed fingers don’t happen for us.”

“Yeah well maybe someday you’ll have to act like the rest of us. Maybe then it’ll be useful.”

She scoffed at the idea and rolled her eyes. 

Maggie continued to grin and Alexandra couldn’t help but poke her dimple.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“It’s part of my charm.”

* * *

**22 BBY**

The ship was finally finished. They stood next to each other in silence, looking around in marvel at the work that had been done. 

Byte was skittering from place to place, trying to find the warmest area of the ship to claim as his own.

“We did it,” Maggie whispered, and then turned towards Alexandra, her face filled with pure joy.

“You did it,” she reached out and grasped Maggie’s fingers with her own, in an odd type of hand holding that used to frighten her, “I just showed up towards the end.” 

“I think I’m going to keep her.” Maggie turned back to the view of the cockpit, brushing her other hand along the chrome of the pilot seat. “I know you probably think it’s si—“

Alexandra squeezed Maggie’s fingers in a gentle interruption. 

“I think you should do it.” 

“What, no piece of sage Jedi advice to discourage me?” Her companion gave her a look of disbelief, her eyebrow arched as they drifted closer together. 

“Those are to discourage me, not you,” Alexandra let out a soft laugh, “Besides, it’s your first big build. The one that you’re getting your certification with.” 

“If it runs.” 

“It will!”

“You’re sure?” 

“Maggie Ellen Sawyer.” Alexandra used her own free hand to brush a strand of hair that had fallen into her face. “You are a brilliant, talented mechanic. Now, start your _shisir_ ship.”

Her kryptonian curse was rewarded with a laugh and Maggie squeezed her fingers one last time before making her way to the pilots seat, her fingers flipping switches and pushing buttons with memorized ease. 

Something past the floor beneath them hummed as the ship started to prime. 

A nervous look flashed across Maggie’s face, but it quickly steeled into one of determination and she pressed on the last green, flashing button. 

The hum turned into a purr in the next instant, signifying that the ship had been brought to life. 

“Danvers! Look it’s working!” Maggie declared the obvious, and if she had looked joyful before then now she looked thrilled beyond belief.

She looked so beautiful. So free.

Maggie tackled her into a hug and Alexandra returned it before pulling back to look her in the eyes, her hands moving from her shoulders up to her cheeks. 

“I told you it would,” she said, letting her thumbs wipe the beginning of tears in the corners of the other woman’s eyes. 

“You and your Jedi tricks,” Maggie whispered, and Alexandra realized that they were so close that she could feel the breath of the words on her lips.

She wanted so badly to close the gap and she could tell by the way that Maggie was hesitating that she did too. 

To her own disappointment, she removed her hands and took a step back instead. 

“J’onn needs me early tomorrow for a meeting with the council,” she said, doing her best to keep her voice gentle and light.

Maggie’s smile was dimmed when she left, and the aching tug on her heart told her what she already knew: That she was the reason. 

~

Alexandra stood in the middle of her newly emptied room. Her eyes were unfocused as she absently fiddled and bent the unassuming piece of metal between her fingers with the assistance of the Force.

Though they were frowned upon, personal material items weren’t exactly forbidden by the Order, and so up until now she had kept the tiny scrap from all those years ago. 

Now it felt wrong to take it with her. She felt almost guilty having it in her possession. 

It was only a half a centimeter wide and with the gentle spiral she had given it it was around triple that in length. The bronze coloring was still untarnished. 

The fact that such an insignificant scrap held so much meaning to her was absolutely ridiculous, so much so that if she didn’t feel so disheartened about leaving Krypton, she might have even laughed at herself.

It was the first gift she had ever received from anyone outside of the order, and most important of all it had been given by _Maggie._

_I should return it._

A sharp aching in her chest was all that she needed to solidify her decision.

She glanced up at the wall clock to see how much time she had before their transport to Geonosis was scheduled to arrive. 

Just because it was going to be returned didn’t mean she couldn’t dress it up a little. 

_It would be practically rude if I didn’t,_ she rationalized as she began to tug at the Force with more intention and added a few precise little details, _Like returning an empty container to a host that gave you leftovers._

Deep down she knew that it was more than just chivalry. Somehow, despite every precaution she had taken, Alexandra had formed… an _attachment_ to Maggie over the years. 

Her face would flush. Her hands would sweat.

The memory of the previous night came to the forefront of her mind. She had unwittingly wandered off the beaten path and now she had to find her way back. 

She got lost in the memories with her friend as she continued on with her embellishments. Shared meals and light hearted jokes. Little pranks on the service droids when they were fourteen.

If only Obi-Wan hadn’t stuck his nose into a _tsaisi_ den. Maybe then she would have more time. 

Even that would be borrowed, Alexandra realized as she thought about it further. Eventually there would have been a day where she and her Master were given another assignment. Either that or her trials would come first. 

A frantic knock on her door snapped her out of her reverie. She got up and unlocked it, letting the barrier tuck itself into the wall to reveal Kara. 

“Oh hello! Come in, I’m just finishing up on—“

“I can handle it from here. You need to get to the embassy garage as quickly as possible. Your master’s orders,” the senator said, “Something about a padawan not looking before he leaps.”

Alexandra could have cursed. 

The metal in her hand still felt hot from her meddling. Maggie deserved to at least know why she was going, but it was all classified. 

She squinted at the little marks she had made in kryptonian glyphs and then looked up at Kara. The woman who had become almost what she would imagine an older sister felt like. 

A tug from the Force caused her to speak without a second thought. 

“Will you keep something safe for me?”

**~**

Alexandra felt like there was a large stone in the pit of her stomach. She could sense the forthcoming danger, hairs on the back of her neck prickling. 

Things really had gone from bad to worse like Kara had said. At first only Obi-Wan had been captured by the newly minted Separatists, but because of Anakin’s tendency to not look before he leaped, now he and Senator Amidala whom he was supposed to be _protecting_ had also been put on death row.

She shifted her weight from one leg to the next when Master J'onzz walked into her chambers. 

“We’re about to jump out of hyperspace. I want you to put these on before we do,” his voice vibrated deep in his chest as he extended armor that mirrored his own, “A last gift. From Master to Padawan.”

“Last?” her eyebrows rose in surprise as she looked up at him. 

“We both know that this day has been coming nearer. After our business is finished here, I’m recommending you to be knighted,” he said, and she could see the pride mixed with sadness in his eyes. 

“Master… I don’t know what to say,” she replied in disbelief, staring at the pile J'onn was holding. With a closer look she notices that the words engraved on it were kryptonian.

He put the pile of clanking metal on the bench before turning back to her and taking a hold of her shoulders. 

“Trust me. You are more than ready for the rest of the Trials,” he said with a vibrating chuckle

In her gut, she knew it was true. The small braid that signified her status behind her right ear had grown past her shoulder and she barely ever lost a sparring session against her master anymore. She knew the Force. Her entire life had been carefully dedicated to the Order and its beliefs. She had given up Maggie.

_Maggie._

“Thank you,” she said with a bow of respect, pushing away the ache building up in her chest.

With a nod, J’onn patted her shoulder and then made his way back to the bench to help her into her new gifts. 

~

Droid after droid came out of the shadows of the arena only to be dispatched efficiently by Alexandra. Her two yellow blades hummed as she moved them with practiced ease, blocking blaster fire right back at her assailants and then lunging forward to cut them down. 

Her new armor glinted in the sun on her chest and forearms and she made a mental note to paint over them for whatever stealth missions she might be assigned. The sweat on her neck dripped and her padawan braid flew behind her as she rolled out of the way of a wave of blaster fire before standing back up quickly. 

She gritted her teeth as she felt the Geonosian sand make its way into her robes. 

_I swear to Rao, Anakin, you will be making up for this someday._

The Force tugged on her in warning and she quickly spun around with both of her sabers, cutting one of the bulky grey battle droids into three pieces before it could injure her. 

As it crumpled to the ground, she looked past its metal corpse and gasped when she saw that her Master was starting to become surrounded. She had to get to him before—

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fazhurium: crazy


	4. this is me trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (kryptonian dictionary for the terms that arent explained)  
> taiium: stranger  
> bysh: friend

_“Skill is the child of patience.”_

_-Obi-Wan Kenobi_

* * *

**BBY 22**

A mix of emotions welled up in Alexandra’s chest as she saw the Temple appear on the horizon. This was it. For the past decade she had trained and now, with the universe at war with itself, her Master had declared her fit to face the trials. She could be knighted by the end of the week. 

She took in a deep breath and exhaled, doing her best to let go of her apprehension. The warmth of a large hand rested on her shoulder, causing her to look up and see him smiling down at her. No doubt he could sense her uncertainty. 

“You’re ready, young one,” his voice vibrated through the LAAT, “I wouldn’t take the risk of you failing the trials if you weren’t. You have sacrificed much. It would be foolish of me to let that all be for naught.”

Master J'onzz didn’t say things he didn’t mean, nor was he foolish. He wouldn’t have offered the opportunity if he had even a smidge of doubt.

_You have sacrificed much._

Alexandra allowed herself a moment of weakness to remember the copper pendant, dimpled cheeks and wavy, dark hair that smelled like _vormurs_ , and then let it slip away. 

Now was not the time to hold on to things that weren’t meant to be. 

“ _Attachment leads to jealousy_ ,” she heard Master Yoda’s voice echoing in her head, “ _The shadow of greed that is._ ” 

She yearned with everything in her being to become a jedi knight. The order was the only family she had ever known. The hallways of this very temple was where she took her very first steps. She would be nothing without them.

The LAAT jolted as it set down on the landing platform outside the temple and Alexandra let go of her loop and needlessly straightened the plates of armor on her arms and hands. She needed to be prepared. She needed everything to be perfect. 

Master J'onzz lifted his hood over his face and Alexandra was quick to do the same before falling in step slightly behind him, through the massive archway of the temple. She felt the bandage around her shoulder shift to accommodate the movement of her arm.

“The Trial of Skill is first, as you know and has three parts. Physical, mental, and combat challenges will test your endurance and how much you rely on the Force,” J’onn said, as he turned into one of the training rooms. She noticed that there were observation balconies that were already full of peering eyes, many of whom were familiar. “I’d suggest meditating until you hear the starting bell.”

Alexandra nodded in understanding and cast off her robe before sitting on the ground. She rested a hand on her injured shoulder, using the Force to soothe the wound and speed up the healing process so that it wouldn’t bother her as much in the upcoming tests. 

A speaker activated, projecting Master Windu’s voice into the room as he explained the objective. 

“You are to use the obstacles in the room to make it to the very top of the pyre. There will be an electric field below that will move forward steadily, to make sure that you continue on. The trial will end once you get back to ground level. May the Force be with you.” 

Alexandra looked up to the very top of the pyre and noted that the climb was going to be several hundred feet up. Her nerves were eased a little by the knowledge that she was more than prepared for this portion of the five trials. 

At the clang of the bell Alexandra ran forth and jumped up to one of the floating platforms. She used the Force to lighten her impact and make sure that it didn’t wobble beneath her. After a quick assessment, she had two options. The first was a row of pegs that she could step quickly up on, and the other was a rope that swung onto a textured wall. She thought that she could probably run on that and spiral upwards.

The soft crackling of electricity reminded her that time was dwindling. She snapped into action and used the Force to pull on the rope and catch it in her hand. In the hope that she could put the weight of her body through her feet and not through her arms, she tied a quick double knot towards the bottom of the rope.

In the nick of time, she leapt onto the knot and used the Force to throw her momentum towards the wall. She took the leap at the first opportunity, grasping onto the side of the wall and quickly lifting off the upward spiral.

The energy field was now several feet under her, but she looked ahead to find that her effort to avoid using her shoulder was useless.

With a deep inhale, she braced herself and kicked off the wall, holding on to the handlebar pole that stuck out of the wall, just nearly out of reach. After swinging back and forth a couple of times, she flipped herself on top of the bar, landing smoothly on the platform just next to it. 

A click sound echoed in her ears when she rested her full weight on it and the Force alerted her to an incoming danger. She turned to see another electric field making its way towards her from her right side.

On instinct, she reached out to the Force to aid her in jumping over the field and scrambling for a handhold in the wall and hanging there, the electric field below her creeping closer. Blowing a stray strand of her out of her eyes, she glanced upwards to find another handhold that looked like it could hold her weight. 

Thankfully, the ache in her shoulder was almost nonexistent as she reached and continued upwards, though she was sure adrenaline had something to do with that. After about fifty feet, she reached another ledge and carefully pulled herself up onto it, hyper aware of anything going awry after the last incident.

When nothing immediate happened, she took the opportunity to look around and consider her next move. A path of the same floating platforms from before spiralled out in front of her, detached and each one smaller than the next. 

They seemed harmless enough, but something didn't feel right. It was too easy, but with another quick glance, she realized that it was her only option. Obviously, she had reached the mental section of the trial.

She used the Force to gently nudge the side of one of the platforms with a downward flick of her wrist. The platform spun in place.

_Shirsir._

All of the stabilizers had been turned all the way off.

Focus sharpened her senses as she remembered the late nights she had spent in the mechanic shop with _her_. A dimpled smile and a low laugh filled her ears.

_“Come on, Danvers. You really don’t know where the nano triggers are?”_

She readjusted the platform into its former position and then closed her eyes, pushing every distraction to the back of her mind as she felt the ghost of a hand touch her own. 

“ _Most stabilizers are in the center of whatever you’re working on,_ ” she heard the voice in her mind again, _“Just push the power source to the side a smidge… and…”_

Alexandra grasped the little nub that she swore she could see even though her eyes were closed. She pushed it to the left and a brilliant green light flared in her mind’s eye. She couldn’t help but let out a victorious bark of laughter as she opened her eyes once more and jumped up onto the platform, landing in a steady crouch. 

With each platform that she fixed, the easier it got to find the trigger and the quicker she was shown the green beacon that notified her of her success. At last, she had reached the final, smallest one. 

The platform was only big enough for only one of her feet, meaning that her landing had to be the epitome of precision. 

Letting the Force fill her up, she took in a deep breath and exhaled just as she lifted off. Knowing that there was nothing to catch her if she fell didn’t make her afraid, as strange as she knew that sounded. There were hundreds of feet below her at this point and all was silent except for the dull buzz of electricity coming from the field below her. 

However, the moment her foot landed on the platform, blaster fire came at her from above. Heat flashed past her cheek as she barely avoided the first bolt, almost causing her to lose her carefully obtained balance. 

She used the Force to summon both of her lightsabers and ignite them, deflecting eight more bolts as she did her best to figure out who the assailant was and where the fire was coming from. 

Higher, she had to get the higher ground, but how?

Alexandra looked back at the previous platform that was just a little bigger and stretched out her hand, using the Force to lift it up a few feet above her head and then using it to support another flying leap. 

From the higher position, she could now see the surprisingly large platform floating just a few feet away from the ceiling of the tower. A simulacrum programmed to look like the assassin that she and her Master had captured on Krypton just a few months prior stood in the middle, guarding some sort of pedestal. General Astra. She remembered reading the files after she had been tried by the planet’s judicial guild. 

Without a second thought, she stepped off the platform and used the Force to cushion her landing as she deflected five more bolts. 

Just as she landed, the ball that was shooting at her to mimic blaster fire fell, useless, to the ground. At the same time, the simulacrum version of Astra dropped her blaster to the ground and ignited her broadsaber instead.

Shame rose up in her at the sight of the glowing red blade, recalling the way that J’onn had needed to intervene in their fight. The now long healed scar on the side of her neck throbbed with a phantom pain.

Her master had said that she was ready. She would not fail him a second time.

Astra came towards her with a powerful overhead strike that she used her regular length saber to meet, a crackle filling her ears as they did so. 

They disengaged to exchange a flurry of aggressive blows. 

_Left. Cross. Roll. Left again. Right. Under._

Sweat was streaming down her face, and the lack of barbed insults that she was so used to coming from her opponent was unsettling, but she paid it no mind as she pressed onwards. Her eyes drifted once more to the pedestal. Whatever the faux Astra was guarding, Alexandra was sure that it was what would bring an end to the trial. She just had to figure out how to get to it. 

The broadsaber made a swipe at her feet and she jumped to avoid it, bending backwards when it came back around to swing at her head from the opposite direction. Missing the mark meant that Astra had overreached and gave her the opportunity to slash at both of the simulacrum’s wrists. 

A sense of pride rushed through her veins at the impending victory. The animation of the simulacrum showed the broadsword becoming sheathed and the hands falling to the ground as Astra herself fell to her knees. 

She didn’t hesitate for a second to take both of her lightsabers and cross them so that Astra's neck was centered in the glowing yellow “V” shape. The scar on her neck pulsed again, demanding penance as she brought her own blades closer to her pixelated skin. 

The simulacrum’s eyes widened fearfully and opened its mouth for the first time in the entire encounter, uttering three trembling words. 

“Please. Have mercy,” she pleaded.

Alexandra shook herself out of the daze and sheathed her weapons. Killing an unarmed being was against the Jedi Code. Breaking it in the middle of the trial would be severely detrimental to her goal. She let the pride drain out of her and replaced it with an almost overwhelming sense of calm. 

As she returned the two hilts to her belt, General Astra’s image dissolved into a flurry of little pixels, leaving her alone with the pedestal. She made her way towards it to see that there was a single button, inviting her to press it and end this entire ordeal. 

Adrenaline still was rushing through her, making her hands sticky in spite of the grips she wore. The sound of crackling electricity became louder with each section, until it felt like her ears were buzzing in her head. There was no other option. 

She reached out her hand and pressed it before she could second guess herself. Suddenly the platform began to tuck itself into one of the walls. Alarmed, she looked over the edge of the platform to see that the electricity was no longer active, and the rest of the obstacles that would have led her back down to ground level had somehow vanished.

The solution was clear. She was going to have to jump. 

Her heart rate picked up at the thought. She could already feel the air whipping both her padawan and larger braid around as she fell. In retrospect, it made sense. The trial of skill was supposed to test the physical along with the mental. Side by side. In tandem. 

It was about letting go. Of her fear. Of her pride. Of every single one of her attachments, even her attachment to life itself. 

She stood at the very edge of the platform, and closed her eyes. The air was still and she could feel the platform continue to make its way further into the wall.

Her mind wandered once more to bronze skin and soft hair as she tried her best to steady and center herself. A warm smile, and accompanying dimples. Eyes that seemed to sparkle more than the stars that they gazed up at. 

And so, with eyes still closed, she let herself fall.


	5. epiphany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this song is just yes . yeah . wap u know . but in a sad way . 
> 
> anyways enjoy

_“...I get so confused sometimes._

_It's forbidden for Jedi to form attachments,_

_yet... we are supposed to be compassionate.”_

_Ahsoka Tano_

* * *

**22 BBY**

Today was the day of her last trial, and the one that she was the most intimidated by. 

The physical had always been easier for her to grasp. Her muscles were aching from the last trial, reminding her of a job well done, but even that she had felt prepared for. Using the Force in a practical way came naturally, like another textbook or sonic wrench. 

But this was the Trial of the Spirit, designed to show the taker things that had the very real possibility of breaking them. The fact that there was no way to prepare for what a padawan could possibly encounter caused Alexandra to be even more apprehensive. 

Whispers among peers in the temple that she had been able to catch up with in her time back told her of horrible things the Force had shown them. 

The Temple in ruins. Worlds collapsing. Oceans filled with blood. Eyes turning gold and blades turning red.

They were taught by the order not to take vision as absolute, literal truth. The future could always be changed. Nothing was fixed. 

But she had put too much on the line for her faith in the Force to simply _boyy’lo_ pick where it was wrong and where it was right. 

Alexandra looked at the dark meditation room and the hair on the back of her neck prickled. She looked up at her master standing next to her. 

“I’m ready.”

J’onn’s proud smile bolstered her confidence as she walked into the center of the room, already knowing that her master was right behind her without a single word. The door hissed shut behind them and she blinked rapidly to get used to the darkness, the only light being the soft red glow of martian eyes. 

Painted arches covered every wall of the room, like doorways had been planned, but forgotten. 

She looked at the floor and saw that there were circles painted on the floor, with tiny lines connecting them. The only trial that both the master and the padawan both participated in, so much so that masters often had their own visions. 

Without another moment of hesitation, they both sat side by side legs tucked underneath themselves, a decade of meditating together every day causing them to move in sync. Alexandra glanced once more over at J’onn before turning back straight ahead and closing her eyes.

_Deep breath in._

_Deep breath—_

A steady one-two beat tapping began to sound just on the edge of her hearing range. 

Her eyes snapped open. She turned back to her master, only to find that not him, but an older woman looking back at her in his place. Alexandra got up to her feet and found herself getting closer. It was an older… well… her. 

The garb she wore was grey and had an extra layer, signifying her knighthood alongside the absence of the padawan braid on her left side. Instead of a braid, her hair was in a bun and the sleeves were wrapped just the same as she had been taught by J’onn all those years ago. Armor on the woman’s forearms had the kryptonian engravings as her own did, but were now a perfectly shineless black. 

Small wrinkles next to her eyes were the only real indication of time passing, which led her to believe that this version of her was only a few years ahead of her. Instinctively she reached out to touch, and when their hands met the entire room descended into chaos. 

The room flipped and she was this older self on the opposite end of the room, looking back at her current self. 

The tapping came louder, keeping its same rhythm, sounding more like a muted chorus clapping. 

An aching came from this newer self’s thigh, and she looked down to see that the pant leg of her just above her knee was scorched from what her best guess would be blaster fire. She saw blood and she had to close her eyes and kneel to attempt to control the nausea in her throat.

When her eyes opened once more, she was back in the streets of Krypton. The air was cool, but she felt like she was ablaze with a fever. An odd looking dark liquid trickled from the mouth of the valley, and she felt compelled to follow it to its source. Her heart rate skyrocketed when she saw the shape of a body strewn across the floor, facing away from her in a dark robe. The hood was down, revealing blonde hair.

_Kara._

She picked up her speed as much as she could with her injured leg, but never seemed to get any closer. Her leg was throbbing, her lungs burned and everything in her pleaded that she slow down. 

With a panting breath, Alexandra took a moment to rest her hand on one of the alley walls. She felt a swooping feeling in her stomach as her world turned on its side and her surroundings morphed.

The clapping became a synchronized stomping of what she could only assume were thousands upon thousands of boots on concrete.

She was now standing in the middle of a temple hallway, though she felt taller than usual. A quick glance around showed padawan and masters and younglings were littered across the floor. It was clear that a lightsaber had torn through them haphazardly. 

Emotions that she had trained for years to master crashed over her in a wave. Sorrow and anger felt like they were taking turns, the first tearing her heart into shreds while the other cemented it back together. 

_It wasn’t fair!_ Alexandra wanted to yell. Everything she had clung onto for stability, everything that she had ever had in her life was gone.

Determined to find someone, _anyone_ , responsible for taking this away from her, Alexandra stalked the grounds. Every room contained more familiar faces and the cement around her heart hardened more with each one that she saw.

The beat was now the volume of clashing symbols in her ears. She wanted it to stop, but sealing them with her hands had no effect. 

The nurse, Master Aoir who had taught her how to tie her shoes. Her clanmate from her youngling years who had fought over the upper cot in the sleeping quarters, slumped over a desk in the library. 

But the body that cured Alexandra’s heart into full, hard stone laid at the entrance of the temple. J’onn J’onzz, who’s eyes she had seen bright and crimson what felt like hours before, were now dark. 

His arms were wrapped around a young T’wilek boy with padawan beads hanging from behind one of his head tails. 

She knelt and reached out to touch him, but was stunned to a halt. Her hand wasn’t her own. A gloved, mechanical one had replaced it. 

Her eyes clenched shut, the cymbals in her head stopped, and she found herself afraid to open them again. 

“Danvers?” a familiar voice asked, “Can you hear me? Come on, wake up.” 

Maggie, her heart skipped a beat, her chest aching as she opened her eyes, unable to resist the temptation of seeing her face again.

She was in the cockpit of a ship, sitting in the copilots chair and had the view of the _Bronze Byte_ dashboard. 

Her hands were her own. 

A relieved sigh slipped from her lips. The last time she had felt this at peace was on this very same ship, before she and J’onn had been called to Geonosis. 

When the only conflict that existed was the one inside herself. 

Turning to her left, she found Maggie standing next to her with a concerned look on her face. She looked older, with navy blue overalls and smile lines beginning to form at the corners of her mouth. 

“Where’d you go there?” she asked with a tilt of her head and instead of speaking, Alexandra found herself distracted by the necklace that caught her eye. It was made of a black cord that took her a second to realize was a thin wire sealed with plastic, long enough that the metal strung on it sat over her heart. 

The pendant. The one she had left behind with Senator Zor-El only a few days ago. How had she gotten it? 

She looked up once more at her friend’s eyes and saw small wrinkles at the corners of them, causing it all to click into place. It still wasn’t real. Just a safety net her mind had made for herself. A fantasy of a possible future she could lose herself in forever if she allowed herself to. 

Wordlessly she got to her feet so that they were only a foot apart, the same position they had been just a few weeks ago. 

A bittersweet feeling filled her chest as she reached out to hold the makeshift piece of jewelry in her hand. The Force was taunting her, she was sure. This was the life she could lead. In this figment of the future. 

The scene flickered around her and she was standing in the center of a circular wall of slain clones before it quickly snapped back to Maggie. 

She couldn’t stay here. A war was brewing in the galaxy, and she had a role to play in it. To stand in arms with her brothers and sisters. 

She wanted to explain. To make Maggie understand why she couldn’t abandon the Order, or even to tell her the reason she had left without saying goodbye, but she had nothing. 

Nothing but weakness and cowardice.

“I’m sorry,” she finally croaked out, her voice stiff from not being used and it felt like she was snapping the only thread that had grounded her outside of the Order when she let go of the piece of makeshift jewelry.

The images around her all crumbled to dust, leaving her floating in the middle of nothingness. 

She forced a sob down as she closed her eyes again, kneeling back into the same position as she had before on the floor of emptiness as she did so. 

Her skin became cool and her eyes opened. 

It was finished. Her trials were over. By this time tomorrow she would finally become who she always hoped to become, but she didn’t feel happiness or accomplishment.

Alexandra felt empty.

~

For the decade it took for Alexandra to earn the title, the actual knighting ceremony went quite quickly. 

Her muscles ached from the Trial of Skill she had taken only a few days before as she walked into a pitch black council room without master J’onn.

Twelve lightsabers simultaneously ignited in a circle around her, with a hooded Grand Master Yoda standing directly in front of her. 

“Step forward, padawan,” he rasped, and Alexandra did so, kneeling with one of her hands resting on the floor to keep her balanced. 

All of the hooded council members lowered their blades to the ground except for the Grand Master, who raised his own to the sky.

“Alexandra Danvers, by the right of the council,” he let the green hued blade hover over her right shoulder before doing the same to the left, held steadily beside the small braid, “by the will of the Force. Dub thee, I do, Jedi Knight of the Republic.” 

With the last word, the smell of singed hair filled the room. 

She had done it. 

It was finished. 

And she didn’t feel a single thing.


	6. betty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HEY so,, basically what i need yall to know is that the first chapter fits in two days after this chapter here. it might be cool to re read before reading the next chapter (flow wise or something idk,,, b ut anyways just in case yall wanted to know hahahahaaaaa 
> 
> (also thanks for reading this far.)

_“Being called a coward isn’t what bothered me..._

_...It was being called a great warrior.”_

_-Master Qui-Gon Jinn._

* * *

**21 BBY**

The Battle of Geonosis was only an introduction to the Clone Wars. Robes were layered with pieces of armor. Trials were taken in the matter of days instead of months. Padawans were knighted and given a military rank before being sent to the frontlines to become war heroes. 

General Alexandra Danvers was twenty-two years old and at the helm of a clone legion 9,216 men strong. They trusted her to make sure as much of them came home at the end of the day as possible. 

She missed Krypton. 

Most days she could convince herself that it was just because she was craving the safety and stability it has offered her in her younger years. That she was pining for simpler days where bloodshed wasn’t an everyday horror. 

But on days like these, ones that went beyond the typical losses she allowed herself to go past that surface level. She let the visuals of civilians piled in the street and burning buildings rise to the forefront of her mind again. 

It felt as if she and her battalion had suffered their first true defeat. 

They had given every one of them a proper burial. 

Alexandra thought before that she was fighting this war to help protect the galaxy, but she was troubled to find that all she could think about was the fact that she needed this war to end before the body she was burying was Maggie’s. 

Even with all of this time apart, her attachment to the woman was still as strong as ever. Today had only provided more proof of that. 

Tonight's activity was one that had been building in the back of her mind for the past year, swirling brilliant colors in her thoughts ever since she had first seen an unhelmeted trooper of hers. 

“Captain, this might be an odd question,” Alexandra finally turned to her second in command, Captain Trin standing next to her on the brig. In the past year she had grown a deep respect for the man. 

“Ask away, sir,” Trin said in a gruff but lighthearted voice as his attention settled on her face, giving her a clearer view of his. Inked on his face were three vertical lines on the left side of his face that went from his hairline through his eyebrow all the way down the side of his throughout until it disappeared into his armor thermal. 

“If I was to get a piece,” she said, gesturing to the art on his face, “Where would I go?” 

“Poe,” Trin said with a mischievous look in his eye, “He learned while we were in the academy. Made his own machine and everything. You’ll probably find him in the Cafeteria right now.”

Alexandra nodded and smiled gratefully. It sounded a little risky to get something done by someone less than professional but it was all a part of the experience. 

Maybe her attachment was simply born out of a need to have a little rebellion in her life. Some adventure. She needed to acknowledge her failings as a Jedi and move on. A reminder to prevent herself from unintentionally straying once more.

“Thank you, Trin. Make sure you get some rest soon. We’re going to be needing it.”

With a “Yes, general” and a joking salute, she was off to find the man with the machine.

* * *

**20 BBY**

Alexandra grinned as she spun in a circle, using the Force to fling both of her lightsabers out just past her finger tips to extend her reach slightly and then pulling them back into her hands when she landed smoothly on the ground. 

It had been a while since she had participated in any strenuous activity and it felt nice to stretch her limbs, despite the danger. 

The droids that had previously surrounded her fell into a clump and she quickly sheathed both blades. Her mission was supposed to be stealth after all. Hopefully she could make it out fast enough that the alarm wouldn’t be set until after she left. 

She activated the comm that she had clipped onto her wraps, near her inner wrist and spoke into it.

“R8, I need a pick up at the northwest wing. I have what we came here for,” she informed her astromech she had left in her aircraft to let idle in the atmosphere.

A happy trill of beeps and whistles came out from the small speaker causing her to smile. 

“Yeah, yeah I know you need an oil change. Hurry back so that we can get going then. I’m hungry,” Alexandra teased gently before turning her commlink off and speeding off towards the rendezvous point, using the Force to strengthen her legs and power through her exhaustion. Five days of no sleep wore on even the strongest Jedi Knight. 

“I can sleep in hyperspace,” she muttered to herself and ducked under a low hanging branch and over a half wall that was in her way. The separatist senator’s garden had become an overgrown maze in his fear of being spied on by the gardeners. Thankfully for her and her mission, his paranoia meant that he was a revolving door when it came to hiring mercenaries.

Chin length hair stuck to her skin under her helmet due to the hot, humid atmosphere. Maybe she should have paid more attention to her fluid intake.

It didn’t matter now. Her mission was nearly complete. All she had to do was get off-world to the rendezvous point and then not even Grand Master Yoda himself would be able prevent her from standing over an air vent for at least half an hour.

She spotted a small squad of droids approaching and quickly pulled the cowl over her helmeted head before ducking down into the brush. Her stomach sank as she felt a disturbance in the Force. Closing her eyes, she reached out with her mind and felt a raging storm of chaos and anger coming closer. 

Alexandra inhaled and carefully reminded herself to master her emotions, fixing her face into an emotionless mask. Her eyes wandered from place to place, trying to find a way to avoid the incoming threat. Just then, the R8-B5 touched down a generous stone’s throw away. 

The disk of Max Lord’s secrets weighed heavily in the pocket of her disguise as she felt the disturbance come closer than before. She looked up and saw that the vines that crept up the tree’s trunk next to her were strong enough to hold her weight. 

She gathered the Force around her and used it to further her leap off of the ground, grabbing one of the thick plants with ease. About 15 meters up, one of the branches extended out, pointing directly in the direction of her starship. 

A chill traveled down her spine as she saw a figure in an all black robe with the hood up. The tug of the Force gave her the unnecessary confirmation that whoever was wrapped up in it was the source of all of the anger she had been sensing. 

Alexandra calmed herself and sat patiently on the thickest part of the branch, waiting for the robed figure to pass under her.

The cloaked person finally passed far enough away that she felt safe walking out to the end of the branch. When it started to get uncomfortably thin, she jumped down to the ground, using the Force to soften the impact of her feet. 

Unfortunately, when she shifted her weight, a large crack rang in her ears and her heart rate heightened exponentially. 

“Shisir,” she cursed under breath.

That was it. Her time was up. She had to get the ship before that figure with the droid entourage could. 

She found herself sprinting to the promise of safety that was her ship, sensing the tremor in the Force, warning her of the cloaked being rushing towards her. She pulled the disk out of her chest pocket as she reached R8-B5. 

“Store this. Quickly. Get it to the Order,” Alexandra ordered the droid who quickly obeyed, “Give it to General Skywalker specifically. Remind him of Geonosis.”

The astromech trilled with a series of beeping noises that sounded curious, but then took on a tone of fear as the cold feeling in her stomach spread to her fingertips. The being was back, just a few feet behind her. 

Using the Force, she tugged her shoto saber off of her belt and into her hand, not giving any audible clues to her possible assailant. 

A fraction of a second later she heard a lightsaber being ignited and felt a wave through the Force, warning her of the blade's approach. Without a second thought, she dropped to the ground and rolled out of the way. 

The dark assassin’s energy felt familiar to something Anakin had described to her little over a year earlier. Unfocused. Unraveled. 

A second crimson saber came at her from the opposite side and she leaped as silently as possible above and behind the assailant, knowing for sure now who was pursuing her. Asajj Ventress, apprentice to Dooku.

She activated both of her yellow blades and let them clash together through the thick, purple tinted fog. Just as she did so, clanking stomping noises surrounded her in a small circle; there were guns lowered straight at her. 

Later, she was unable to recall whether it was the heat or the Force that took hold of her vision but she could have sworn that for just a moment she saw white durasteel armor where there should have been metal. 

The last words she remembered was a hissing whisper in her ear. 

“You’re lucky my Master wants you alive.” 

* * *

**19 BBY**

After about two months, Alexandra was finally rescued by the unlikely pair of J’onn J'onzz and Anakin Skywalker from the Separatists’ brig she had been held in. 

In that time, she turned twenty five.

A scan in the medbay showed that there were no life threatening injuries, and she used those results to convince them both to stop their hovering. 

She stood now in front of the mirror, staring at herself, her ripped and soiled robes in a pile at her feet. Her eyes looked hard, and her jaw was sharper. Muscles in every part of her body seemed more lean. 

Having seen enough, Alexandra threw her ruined robes away and turned to the new set on her bed. 

_The sleeves have to go_ , she decided and tore off the offending pieces of fabric. With just a few more loud snaps of thread, the job was done. She donned the clothing, putting her regular wraps on over her bare forearms. 

The belt around her torso came next and she picked up her lightsabers that had been returned to her shortly after her rescue. They were scuffed from being clumsily handled while outside of her care, but thankfully that didn’t reduce the functionality of either of them. It was a small miracle that they had even been found, let alone working.

She let them snap onto her belt and instantly, she felt a familiar peace run through her. 

It was hard to rationalize that The Order had effectively left her to die and become another casualty of the war, even though her mission had been a success. The evidence the Republic needed for the Separatist plans for another super-weapon had been convincing enough to vote in favor of putting more funds towards the war. 

Her sacrifice hadn’t been in vain.

The Order had decided that her sacrifice would be her life.

Even so, she didn’t feel betrayal. They had decided the strategically right thing. As grateful as she was to be alive and free, she acknowledged it was foolish for the Chosen One and one of the eldest of the Jedi Order to come after a lone young knight. A mighty risk to take this close to the impending end of the war. 

According to J’onn, Anakin had been taking a great many of those since his padawan, Ahsoka left the Order. 

That had happened too, while she was gone. Her head was still reeling at the retelling of the tale the young knight had given her. The Order had been so quick to point fingers at one of their own. Alexandra had done her best to comfort him, but she could barely comprehend taking on a padawan, much less losing one. 

Her faith was shaken by it. The war was coming to an end, and the galaxy was starting to ease into the hesitant beginnings of peace, but The Order felt as if it was on the brink of falling apart. 

“I think it might be my fault,” Anakin had said while he was filling her in on what she missed, his eyes darkening. He rubbed his hand across his face in frustration, “I’m supposed to bring balance, but with my—”

The young man had stopped himself from saying anything further, and Alexandra didn’t push him to continue. They both knew why, but it felt like it would be too shameful for either of them to say aloud.

_Attachments._

Alexandra looked herself over once more. The edges were a little frayed, but that could be easily remedied later when she could get her hands on a suture kit. 

She felt the tell tale swoop in her stomach that signaled their drop out of hyperspace. There were bigger things to be concerned about than a few loose threads.

When the trio made it to the Temple, she could feel the lingering eyes on her bicep but she couldn’t bring herself to care. The brightly colored, life size likeness of a _pzobian_ feathered lizard curled around her bicep protectively. Its presence on her body had been the only thing that had allowed her to hold on through the months in captivity. She refused to hide it any longer.

How could she possibly see her attachment to Maggie as a failing now?

They all stepped through the doors of the inner temple together to face the twelve masters. The expressions on each of their faces as they observed her ranged from pity, to troubled. Alexandra did her best to push away her discomfort at being perceived so closely and described all that had happened in the time of her capture. 

“Impressive it is, that you did not give any information with the treatment you received. In your debt, the Republic is,” Master Yoda spoke then, breaking the long silence that had developed after she had finished, “Careful, we must be now. Know who you are, they do, and try again, they might.”

Master Windu spoke next. 

“Senator Zor-El has requested you and your men’s presence back on Krypton. You will be in charge of security detail for the embassy.”

_Krypton?_

Confusion caused her brow to furrow as she reached out to the Force, using it to inform her of each of the council members’ intent. In any other situation, she would consider her new orders a demotion but for some reason she sensed this to be more of an apology.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand, masters. Last I heard, Krypton was doing just fine,” her concern built up in her throat which made her feel like she was choking on the words. 

“Tensions are running high in the Senate,” Obi-Wan started, and if Alexandra had any less respect than she did for the man, she would roll her eyes. 

Tensions were always high in the Senate. That was their job. Half-truths and closed doors. Secret meals and whispered promises. 

“The war is coming to a close,” he continued in his usual soothing voice, “and because of this we suspect that the Separatists are likely to become desperate for any chance of victory, and that means senators of planets in support of the Republic are at even more risk than usual.”

“And Krypton is one of the Republic’s biggest financial supporters,” Alexandra filled in on her own. 

“Indeed. We don’t need another General Astra situation on our hands this close to the end,” Obi-Wan nodded in response, “We need you to get there as soon as you can. Your starfighter is packed and R-8 has already been programmed for the mission.”

She had never really had a choice. The decision had been made for her before she had even set foot inside the council room. 

Alexandra felt herself starting to lose control of her emotions. If they had been bold enough to simply demand what they wanted from her it would almost be the better alternative in her mind. This faux decision that they gave her to make her feel like she was the one in control felt like a deception. 

After all that she had done for the order, they didn't have the common courtesy of honesty. 

“With the council’s permission then, I will be on my way,” she said with a slight bow. 

As she walked out of the room she couldn’t help but to think that maybe Ahsoka’s decision to leave the order hadn’t been so unreasonable. She remembered the fantasy the vision had shown her all those years ago. 

_Maggie._

Her pace quickened as she walked through the endless hallways of the temple towards her assigned landing pad as she remembered where she was being assigned. 

She might still be there. She might get a second chance. 

If she believed in Rao she might have even prayed.

~

They stood only a foot from each other when she saw Maggie look down and see the lightsaber that she had put together in this very shop in front of her.

“Can I see it?” Maggie whispered so softly that no one else would be able to hear it if they tried. Alexandra found herself nodding in agreement immediately and unclipped the short hilt manually, and offered it to her with an extended palm.

Maggie snapped her soiled gloves off cleanly and disposed of them before gently grasping the lightsaber. Byte took the opportunity to use their joined hand as a bridge, and ran up Alexandra’s arm, coiling around his likeness on her bicep. 

“This…” Maggie started, she pointed to the seam in the copper casing, “It’s where you got this piece from isn’t it?” 

Alexandra’s eyes widened in surprise when Maggie pulled out the handmade pendant from under her overall uniform. She thought it had been lost when it was nowhere to be found in her quarters upon her return. 

A smile spread across her face when she caught sight of the kryptonian glyphs crudely etched into the twisted strip of metal. 

A little two dimensional diamond with a square directly to the right of it and a small dot underneath standing for the Basic letter “m”. A little plus sign was underneath it and then two exclamation marks, the one on the left thicker, but partially broken halfway through to stand for the Basic letter “a”. 

“Yeah,” she admitted with a nod, “How do you have it?”

“Well. A droid came from the embassy, the day that you left. Swore up and down that it was meant for me,” her dimples became more pronounced. “I figured it might give you luck if I wore it, wherever you had gone off to.”

Just like that, the tug on her heart that she had forced herself to fight all those years ago was back. Lounging on the then unnamed Bronze Byte as Maggie ever so gently taught her how to sauter. Learning Kryptonian together while they pointed out the stars. Memories of Maggie proudly showing off a holomessage recording of her younger sister, Ella taking her first steps. 

She didn’t fight it this time, but instead shuffled forward. Their faces were mere inches apart. 

“Danvers,” Maggie whispered under her breath, “Are you sure you want this? You’re willing to leave the Order?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

There was a short silence where they simply observed each other before Maggie spoke again.

“I’ve known you for a long time, Alexandra,” she started, searching her face, “You become whatever is needed of you, but this isn’t something I’m asking you to do. I need you to be able to promise me without a shadow of a doubt that this isn’t just about me.”

Alexandra watched as her shoulders slumped a little as she spoke. She was right. They weren’t kids anymore. It couldn’t be as simple as before. Sensing the shift in mood, she took a step back and delicately took the lightsaber back into her hand before clipping it onto her belt. 

The Jedi had some thinking to do.

“You and Byte have a good night,” with a soft nudge of her index finger, the little lizard took the hint and leapt back to Maggie’s shoulder from her arm, “I’ll make sure the embassy streamlines your engineering application.” 

“C’mon, Danvers don’t go—“

“It’s okay,” she held up a hand as she interrupted, “It’s getting late and I have to organize a security detail for Senator Zor-El’s Senate meeting at the end of the week.”

She had left for three years, with no word or warning. Just a pendant with no chain or note attached that hadn’t even been given to her by her own hand. Maggie hadn’t even had a way of knowing if Alexandra was even dead or alive in these past three years.

It was going to take more than just a week to gain that trust back.

“I’ll see you, around _bysh_ , ” she said with a nod, putting her hood over her head before stepping out of the garage door and onto the street.


	7. peace

_"Love doesn't lead to the Dark Side._

_Passion can lead to rage and fear but passion is not the same thing as love._

_Controlling your passions while being in love, that's what you should beware._

_But Love itself will save you, not condemn you."_

_-Jolee Bindo_

* * *

**19 BBY**

Alex felt herself stirring from her meditation as she heard boots on the creaky wooden porch. She let the flashes of memory fade back into the past where it belonged. 

That was her name now. Alex. It was short, matching with her hair. Her Jedi robes had been burnt and replaced with some of Maggie’s da’s clothes. Currently included was a white shirt tucked into a pair of pants made of sturdy, blue fabric. A black, self tightening belt around her pants kept everything together.

“Danvers?” a familiar voice asked, “Can you hear me? Come on, I know you’re faking it. Your lip is starting to twitch.”

Her twitch expanded into a mischievous grin and she instantly gave up on the ruse of meditation. She blinked the fog out of her eyes to see Maggie holding out a cup of tea for her. 

She took it, her grin transforming into a grateful smile as she motioned that the woman sit with her. Byte crawled down from Maggie's shoulder and curled up in Alex's lap. 

“I know it’s supposed to be a disguise, but your new look is going to take some getting used to for me,” she joked, to break the silence, “Not that you don’t look good, you look great!”

“I’m glad you think so,” she replied with a wry grin as she took a sip of her tea. It was the perfect temperature to warm her while they looked up at the stars. They were different from Krypton or Coruscant. She couldn’t name a single one. 

They shared another comfortable silence.

It had been almost six months since the day that the Order had been destroyed. Six months since everything and everyone she had ever known had been taken away from her. Six months since Maggie had flown them past the barricade on Krypton and to her home world. 

The Order that she had held to such a high esteem was gone. It was time to let go of it. She thought back on her trials all those years ago. Each of them had taught her to let go. To give up control.

Only a fool would even consider suggesting that she was fully healed from the horrors she experienced on that day. In all honesty, she wasn’t sure that she ever would. The reason she was even out on the porch this late in the first place was because she had awoken from her sleep in a cold sweat.

The memory of the gloved hand from her vision in the trial had been resurfacing at least three nights a week.

“I’m leaving,” Alex confessed in a soft voice, “I need to find him.” 

She focused on adjusting her grip on the mug so that her hands were more fully warmed by it, not wanting to meet the stare that was practically drilling into the side of her head.

“I know,” Maggie replied back in the same tone, “I’m already packed.” 

Alex looked over to her partner in surprise. 

“You’ve been muttering in your sleep for the past three weeks and you need a pilot who has an as of right now unknown ship,” she shrugged in response as if the decision was the easiest to make in the world, “Besides, Byte would miss you too much.” 

On cue, the feathered lizard interrupted his steady purring to trill at the mention of his name. Alex rolled her eyes at his neediness, but scratched his chin with a wiggle of her pinky anyways. 

She frowned as she thought back to when Maggie had gently inquired as to why she would want to leave the Order. 

“You’re not doing this out of obligation, are you?” Alex asked with a furrowed eyebrow and stopped petting Byte before reaching out to hold the necklace gently. The twisted bronze pendant was still there, but now there was a second one hanging next to it. 

It was the crystal from her first saber, wrapped with a spare piece of wire from the hilt it had previously belonged to.

“That isn’t what these mean.”

Every once in a while, Alex felt the need to confirm what they had both already discussed. Attachments themselves, she had come to realize over these months of contemplation, weren’t what was dangerous to a Jedi. It was that when they felt good one tended to get lost in them.

These days, the Jedi were being hunted from system to system. She had no power over the happenings in the universe anymore. Death was more of an obvious unavoidability than ever.

And yet, there Maggie stood.

But she didn’t fear losing her. Not anymore. There was always going to be danger just around the corner. 

Alex could love —yes _love_ — Maggie as much as she pleased, but that didn’t mean that she could promise that her partner would be safe. She simply allowed herself to cherish the moments that they had in the present. 

_There is no death, there is the Force._

“No, it’s not,” Maggie agreed, “But Rao, Danvers, did you not think I would enjoy a healthy dose of adventure? Not to mention the fact that my parents have shown you at least five too many baby holos for my taste.”

The diversion to humor caused the mood between them to lift. That was one thing about the Order’s rules of attachment Alex found herself grateful for: no one sharing her embarrassing holos against her will. 

“I am doing this because I love you, Danvers,” Maggie adopted a serious tone once the laughter faded. 

Love was such an astounding word for being attached to a concept that had brought her so much grief in the past. It felt warm and vibrant. Delight filled her instead of the sense of dread that used to suck the life from her very bones.

“I love you too,” Alex grinned as she leaned in close to Maggie’s face and pressed a kiss to her lips gently before letting her head rest on her lover’s shoulder, “And for the record, I thought the baby holos were cute.”

“They were ridiculous,” Maggie dropped a kiss on her shaved temple.

“I thought it was part of your charm.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is probably a little different than you’re used to, but basically the numbers go backwards as the years go forwards because Star Wars decided to be quirky i guess.


End file.
